Love

I love you Belle. That is all

My Belle

I love my Belle. She's so perfect and wonderful and amazing and beautiful and she's just the most perfect partner. I couldn't ask for anyone better to spend my life with.

My Beautiful Belle

I love my beautiful Belle so much. More than anything in this world. I didn't think that this kind of love was possible and only existed in the movies. She's my soul mate. The one. I didn't believe in soul mates until I met her then all of a sudden it all made sense. She is perfect. I love her with all of my heart. I belong to her now. She is my everything, my person and my favourite. I love you Belle.

Friends

As I plan on moving to the US I have wondered about friends. I don't have any friends local to me. All of my friends are online. So I would love friends of my own once I get to the US. So today I thought why not hopefully find some online that I could hopefully hangout with when I get there. It would mean a lot to me to at least have a few friends. The first and only person I thought of in the state I plan to move to is on my Facebook friends list. So I messaged her saying that I'd planned to move to her state and I thought we could hang out when I got there but it turns out she's moving to a completely different state at the end of the summer which sucks arse but she then asked why I wanted to move and I told her that I'd met someone so special and I wanted to move to be close to her and she was so pleased for us. It made me so happy.

I'm hoping to continue to look online for friends in that state as online is the best way I can make friends. I've never been very good at making friends ever. So I want to use what I'm good at to find them.

Emotions

My emotions aren't like the average persons. Mine are more extreme. For example; where an average person would be sad, I'd be depressed. Or an average person would happy, I'd be euphoric, or if an average person would be annoyed I'd be angry. My emotions are more extreme and harder to deal with than most peoples. At best I'm awkward & difficult. Even when I'm happy I can be hard to deal with because I'm practically manic. It doesn't last long which sucks for me but difficult for everyone else. When I'm "happy" everyone thinks I'm too loud, too outgoing and hard to deal with. All I want to is act on my happy feelings. The problem is, for me, there's an exact opposite. Once I crash I'm miserable. I'm so depressed. It sounds contradictory but even when I'm high I can't help but be depressed. It's just less obvious on the outside. When I'm "high" I have all the energy in the world and I can do anything and everything. I've more confidence, I'm more productive. But I can get into trouble too. I've been arrested when "high" but at that point I didn't have a diagnosis and I no one noticed I was different. But anyway. My point is no matter what your view on the average persons emotions, think of it to them to extreme and you'll have me and people like me. The biggest difference between me and other Borderlines is that I'll keep my to myself unless they become too intense.

More Facts About Me

1) I like singing but I can't sing and never sing in front of people.

2) I love Lavender

3) I used to research my family history. I'm my families "record keeper".

4) I believe I'm a lot like my maternal Granddad even though I've never met him (he passed away before I was born)

5) I love animals. If I had it my way my house would be filled with animals.

6) I love the cold. I'm quite happy in minus temperatures.

7) I hate the heat. My body can't cope well with it.

8) I love woodland areas. I feel at home in them.

9) I'm a very curious and imaginative person

10) I can rationalise the chicken or the egg scenario.

About Me

I might as well be 100% about me. That's what this blog is for. I'm going to be more honest about myself then I have been in my life. Some of it will be a lot to take on and I admit that. But it's me. My personality is no different because of it.

Mentally I'm a woman but physically I'm a man. That's how it's going to stay. I don't fit in anywhere normally but because of this I don't fit in with men and I don't fit in with women. I've felt like this to some extent since I was 5 years old. I've never mentioned it because I've not thought much of it until recently. It was just how I was and normal to me but as I've come to realise nothing about me is "normal". So please don't expect normal from me. You'll never get it. I was born different. I'll always be different. It's just the more I know about myself the more tired I am of having to keep myself a secret because 99.9% of people don't care and the ones that do care are judging me negatively. So why should I care? Anyone that truly cares will stick around. As far as friends go that's no one. I have a best friend but we live more than a hundred miles from each other. So I'm left here alone and only one person seems to want me. It just scares me because she doesn't know to the extent the freak that I am. I'm ok with who I am. It's just a shame no one else is. Not yet at least.