Psych Appointment

Today I woke up at 07:45 with a desperate urge to cry and I don't know why. I just knew I felt awful and fragile. My Psych appointment was at 10:40 and I stayed feeling like this until then. I could barely talk. If I did talk it was one word answers. I didn't think I'd be able to say anything in the appointment. Someone came with me to the appointment and I really didn't want them to. This person just talks over me like I'm not their in appointments. Just before my appointment this person decided it'd be a good idea to have a go at me for not talking which only made me feel worse. But still I couldn't talk. Once we were settled in the waiting room without meaning to I caught a message she was sending saying "he's regressed back to a teenager again" so I was left feeling feeling even worse. I didn't realise feeling as bad as I did made me "a teenager". We went into the appointment a short time after that and this person only ended up staying in their for about 2 minutes and in that time she went on a tangent about how I've been this, that and the other then she left the room. The moment she did I burst into tears. My Psych sat there patiently with a look of pity on her face. I don't want or need peoples pity. I have no problem with crying but I hate crying in front of people. I just feel so pathetic and vulnerable. But there I was crying uncontrollably in front of my Psych for about 5 minutes. Once I'd calmed I was able to start talking again and I started explaining everything and answering my Psychs questions. She is such a lovely Dr normally and the best one I've ever had (and I've had a lot) but every time I told her something about what's been happening, what I was thinking and feeling she just sat there each time saying it's a part of my illness. It felt so invalidating. Like I everything I think and feel is only because I'm this Borderline Schizo. She said she didn't want to adjust my meds this time but she's given me an appointment for 2 & a half weeks time. Making me think that if I haven't improved then it might be considered adjusting them. I came out of the appointment feeling hurt yet numb. I stayed feeling like the this until the person I went left the house at about 13:00. At which point I plugged myself into some music that was as long as possible and just started singing. Which made me feel better. Throughout the entire thing all I could think about was "I want my Belle" with her arms wrapped around me. I still do. But I'm not too bad now.