Since about 13:00 this afternoon I've spent a lot of time alone in the house. Not too much really but a fair amount which I'm not complaining about. Purely because when I bad in a lot of ways I automatically withdraw and want to be alone. I end isolating myself. The only person I've wanted with me is my Belle.
It's like I get this overwhelming need to be alone. I think it's purely because I've become so used to coping with everything on my own that I find it easier to manage how I'm feeling if I'm on my own. If I'm around people I can feel so suffocated because I have to try and fit around them. Well that's been my experience anyway.
People rarely understand how and why I get how I do and in their efforts to help they in fact don't help but make it worse. It's why I'm trying so hard to connect with people like me not to seek help from them but to know I'm not alone although fellow Borderlines I'm finding quite challenging. We're not all the same and I totally understand why but they keep me at distance and push me away a lot when I'm desperately searching for a close friendship. I think although we understand each other we're different people and not on the same wavelength.
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